Candle
by ChrisB09
Summary: She can't find happiness can she? She can't keep going like this. She's too vulnerable, too frail, too weak. Rated T for suggestive suicide.


**Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I in any way associated with Victorious or Dan Schneider.**

**Updated for some grammar, just couldn't let it stay so confusing with the tenses.**

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><p>I walk over to the edge of the Earth. Looking over, I wonder why I'm here. I feel the Earth trying to push me away as it blows as hard as it can against me, and yet the gust also threatened to take me before I wanted to go as I almost lost my balance.<p>

I take out my cell phone, looking at the screen.

**"1 New Text Message"**

Oh my gosh, I forgot to check my phone earlier. Hopes up, I open it, wishing it could be my saving grace.

_"Hey Cat, where are you? Why aren't you at Sikowitz's class? – Tori"_

Oh, it's just Tori. Don't get me wrong, I like Tori, but she's not who I was hoping for… That message is over 4 hour old, and it's the last message I got.

I guess they must've gotten used to me just skipping school randomly. Like this one time, I was walking to the courtyard for lunch when I saw a kitten. But it ran away from me! I followed it all around town, and I found myself in the park buying ice cream from the ice cream man! It was cotton candy flavored, but it didn't taste like cotton candy at all. I was so sad because of that. It's just like when you buy grape flavored juice, but then you drink it and it doesn't taste like it at all! Why would the juice companies lie to me like that? Do they like tricking people with these fake flavors? Oh wait, what was I talking about again?

Another breeze brings me back down to Earth, or at least as close to it as I can get. People always say that my head's in the clouds, but I don't think so. I mean, how can my head be in the clouds when my body is here on the ground? Is that even possible? Well, I guess I did go to the clouds once in a plane, but I didn't stay in the clouds, I was above them. I think birds are the only things that can stay in the clouds. Like a duck! Does that mean they think I'm a duck? That's so mean! I don't have any duck-like features at all! Don't they also hunt ducks? Do they want to hunt me too? Like, some sort of Cat-hunt? What about the baby ducklings? Don't the hunters think of them? They're left parentless and alone… Just like me… Well, I'm not parentless, but I am alone…

Oh yeah! That's why I'm here! Because of her… I reach into my backpack and take out a candle. It was absolutely gorgeous. Placed on a crystalline flower base, it stood tall with pride and splendor. Swirling upon itself, there were two strips of wax, black and pink, that ended with the wick in an elegant manner. It showed two completely different colors, completely polar colors, and yet they went well together. They were separate, and yet together they made something completely beautiful…

I reach into my backpack and pull out a lighter, her lighter… Her lighter that she left the last time she was over in my room… Sighing gently at the memory, I light the candle. That was one of the only times I felt complete, that I felt sane. I didn't have any cracks in me; I didn't have any crevices in my armor. She was my armor. She was my medication. She was my psychotherapy. But what happens when your armor rejects you? What happens when it stops protecting you? You're left all alone, broken, and vulnerable…

I realize now that I have apparently sat down on the rocky outcrop, staring out at the sky. The sun was setting, and the hues of red, yellow, and blue blended together in perfection. Orange, red, purple, pink… Black… So beautiful… It was a Beethoven symphony for the eyes. Is it possible to see sound? What if we could? What would it look like? Would it be like- Ow! A piece of hot wax fell on my hand. Staring at the candle, I'm amazed. She always was able to keep me grounded, and now she's able to do that when she's not even here.

I lay back on the soft, comforting grass, this time holding the candle at an angle so the wax doesn't get me again. I stare at the sky as I day dream about her, or is it night dream? I mean, it's technically night, so yeah, I stare at the sky as I night dream, and that night dream soon enough turns to a real… dream…

I only wake up because of the wax on my hand. It burned me again, but I still hold it. The candle is only about three inches now, from the eight it was earlier. I had apparently fallen asleep for about two hours, and now it was as dark as her eyes. There is no light where I am, only the forest behind me, and the city in front. My hand hurts so badly, the wax really burned me. They should really put a warning about falling asleep with a lit candle in your hands.

Even though it's painful, I don't care; the candle brings me comfort, even though it also brings me the most pain. It was like a double-edged sword. Oh! Now I get that saying! Tightening my grip on the candle, I let tears flow from my eyes. The little mini-rivers flowed on my face, tracing the contours of my broken face as they found comfort in the grass below me.

I stare with blurry eyes at the flame of the candle. It is so peaceful, so comforting. It reminds me of her eyes, they brought me euphoria, they brought me relaxation. But I got too close, they turned to little bears, and they attacked me. They hurt me more than I realized was possible, even though she said she never would do that…

I place the candle on its crystalline holder on the ground, finally letting it go after holding it for so long. I stand up and stretch, my muscles being sore after lying down for so long. I look over the city-view. It's beautiful, the lights like a million fireflies, lighting up the lives of those who deserve it. All I have is one dying firefly, right by my side. What happens when the firefly dies? Will I go with it? I want to; maybe it can take me somewhere safe afterwards. Somewhere happy, somewhere with, and at the same time somewhere without her.

And so, it was finally time. I stand at the edge, watching as my firefly coughed and try to stay lit with what little candle there was left. It's submerged in its own blood of wax in the crystal flower, pink and black combining. The black overpowered the pink, assimilating the pink into itself to make it stronger. Why can't they stay separate and together at the same time? Why did the pink have to die for the black to be happy?

I faintly hear a car pull over in the forest behind me, but it was probably just some guys wanting to pull a prank on their friend or something. They did that to me once you know; Jade, Beck and Andre. They took me in the forest and left me alone. I was scared since it was night and they said that there were night crawlers. I don't know what they are, but they sound mean. Anyway, I just broke down and started crying when they finally came and told me that they were just pranking me. I thought I would die here. I guess it'll still come true…

The fire is now miniscule in the candle, and I can feel my hope, my soul, myself dying with it. The black consumed all the pink, she consumed my soul, and she left me as a shell. She used me, she's selfish, she never really wanted me.

Finally the candle went out, and I take a deep breath and pick up the crystal flower with the black tears of wax falling to the ground.

I'm sorry mom, dad, Tori, Beck, Andre, Robbie, Sinjin, and of course, I'm sorry Jade. I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted. But don't worry; you'll never have to put up with me ever again.

Suddenly a gust pushes me, and it's over. I close my eyes, and wait for it to end as I feel the wind passing me.

All I here, is a voice screaming.

"CAT!"

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><p><strong>=AN=**

**Well, this is my first story that I've ever made. I hate how it turned out, because honestly I had something much better in mind. As I was writing it though, I kept forgetting so many things that made me want to write this in the first place. That's what I get I guess for writing in school when I should've been paying attention in class. Anyway, please critique this if you review. I've wanted to write for so long, but I've been discouraged due to my inferior styles to many of such great authors here. I really wouldn't have posted this story, but I decided to get my feet wet a with this. So please review on how I can do better!**

****Oh yeah, and if you guys are wondering, I actually found some pictures of the candle that I was describing, but I can't put it into this story so I've put it into my profile.** **

**P.S. This is suppose to be an "open" one-shot, where if I ever feel like it I can continue this story, which is what the last dialog is for.**


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